A story of pain, discovery and magic

How much do I reveal to you, and how much do I hide?

I will take the plunge.

Born in the spring, a time of hopeful beginnings, her parent’s first born.

She often wondered why she came to earth. She never felt wanted or welcomed, more like an intrusion. It was sad watching her parents fight continually.
Her mom, raised Catholic, oldest daughter of 9, with an alcoholic father was not a warm, affectionate person and Alisa felt the lack of loving touch and soft words.

A child naturally looks to their parents for protection. What do you do when the people you depend on refuse to believe you? The teenage son of her second family was molesting her. Only 5, she would pretend she was sleeping. Finally confiding in her sister, she felt dirty and isolated. The disbelief she experienced from her parents was soul destroying. Betrayal. Abandonment. To emerge from this nightmare, she had to dig deep to find a core of inner strength.

Dad, Jewish, an entrepreneur, worked all the time.

So confusing, why did they yell so much.

Finally they split up when she was 6. So much pain! A memory of dad driving off while she cried uncontrollably remains as vivid today as when it happened.

Mom crying, “she never cried”, freaked her out. All stability gone….
She kept asking why.

So began the world of visitation on weekends. The fighting had not stopped, and once it
Got so bad that her dad drove off while she was hanging from the car door, being dragged down the road, he didn’t even realize what was happening. And then there were the mental tugs of war, parents bad mouthing each other seeking to gain allies. Didn’t they understand what turmoil they were creating?

Alisa found some comfort in sucking her thumb. This continued for so long that she wound up having to have braces 3 different times. Alisa developed a liking for the orthodontist working on her teeth, fascinated with the idea of being able to move teeth to the exact right position.

Part of the conflict was religious. Even after the divorce, the war continued between her parents; and so Alisa went to mass and catechism classes on Sunday and to temple on Saturdays. A fond memory of the temple ushers offering her their carnation at the end of each service lingers. Questions were raised in her small child’s mind, such as “why do we pray to the Virgin Mary” or “ why do we have to tell our deepest secrets to a priest”. There was a love of Jesus and a feeling that Judaism was a cold religion.

It was difficult making friends. Though she lived in an upscale neighborhood, she was the one mowing the lawn at 11, lying about her age at 13 to get babysitting jobs, so she could buy her clothes, being the handyman of the house. Surrounded by children of privilege, it
was hard to be forgiving when she was having to work so hard. Not even being able to have the cereal she wanted unless there was a coupon for it. Her mother had grown up in the depression so money to her was to be hoarded, not wasted on a child.

And yet it wasn’t all bad. Somehow Alisa continued to care. Showering her love on a dog named Charlie that she snuck into the bedroom, walking him up the stairs so quietly, while holding his dog tags so they wouldn’t make a sound.

And then there was music. Her earliest memories were of singing, it was the only way to feel free and alive. In the world of music there was no pain, or pain could be transmuted into beauty.

Alisa surrounded herself with music. Going to mass, she heard the music of the church.
At temple, the sounds of the cantor, at home, her dad would croon.
It was hard to pull her away from the radio. So intrigued by the radio, by some miracle, she managed to gain access to a radio station at 13, while she was supposed to be watching “the Phantom of the Opera”.

That was a piece of heaven, being allowed to see the inner workings of a radio station. She still doesn’t know to this day why she was allowed into the inner sanctum.

Music was after all in her blood. Her mother confessed to yearning to be an opera star. Her father was happiest when he was singing, and with a good voice he enjoyed entertaining himself and others. Her great uncle, Morey Feld had been a jazz drummer for the greats, including Benny Goodman, Bobby Hackett and Billy Butterfield.

It was odd being Alisa. Beautiful and brainy, her idea of making a connection with a guy she had a crush on was to pick a fight with him. Having to bike her way around town, she was strong. However, it wasn’t really fair as the boys weren’t allowed to fight girls.

Growing up Alisa saw herself doing something important. It wasn’t an ego thing, more like a caring, giving type of thing. Singing accapella at a school concert and getting a standing ovation was her crowning moment. Yet, how do you forge your own way when you have no one believing in you?

To leave home early, she figured out a way to get into college early. She only had to double up on her math and English classes, while working as a cocktail waitress, assisting at a dentist office and working at coffee shop. No problem. At 17, she was out of the house, attending college.

She wanted most of all to sing, but after being repeatedly told that that was not practical and gaining no support from either side of her family, she had to decide what to do with her life. Though her parents wanted her to go to college and constantly pushed it, they were not willing to give one penny in support.

However, she was also her parent’s child. She wanted them to be proud of her and as they had always shunned music, she looked around for a job that people would respect and remembering her enjoyable experiences with her orthodontists and dentist, she thought she would give dentistry a try.

The practical side of Alisa had her working for a dentist assisting while she was in college to make sure the work would be compatible.

Almost finished with college, about to enter dental school, with her dental future assured, she left. Her boss, the associate dean was flabbergasted. Alisa was to be his successor, taking up his dental practice when she graduated.

What had happened?

Yes, her grades were good, but she was living somebody else’s life. She had given up her passion, her love, her life…..music. She was miserable. But God had finally smiled upon her and given her blessings to pursue her dream by bringing someone into her life…her manager - the one who could see the value of her music, the strength of her commitment, and her God given talent.

Thus began the preparation stage. Hours of lessons from coaches, learning to write songs and give voice to the feelings inside, learning the ins and outs of the music business. She was training as an athlete would, getting ready. You see, music wasn’t just for her, but for all those like her who needed hope, who needed to see that it was possible to emerge from nightmares victorious.

Don’t get me wrong now. If you expect to see Alisa plaintively crooning, you’ve got the wrong girl. She is a dynamo on stage, someone with such presence and star quality, that you are transfixed by her music. A master of emotional tones but also of the driving energy to be the best you can, to never settle for mediocrity.

So she got rave reviews from the top vocal coach to the stars, Stephanie Spruill, and put together a full length album mastered by the legendary Bernie Grundman, and produced by Marcus Brown. Together, Alisa and Marcus came up with an entirely new addictive sound.

There! I’ve done it, I revealed myself to you, do you still like me?

Click Here: To hear Alisa's music